I really am. This is something that I’m not proud of. My feelings get hurt easily and holy crap. Holy Crap. I really really really really really really really really REALLY wish that I was one of those people that could take anything thrown at them and not react. Or that I was one of those people that could take it and throw it back with equal or more intensity. But alas, I’m not. Do you wanna know what I do instead?
I cry. Or I’ll hide my face so they don’t see my reaction. But they can see it. I hate giving anyone that satisfaction; maybe it’s because I’m a millenial that I have this issue. I’m not saying that I want to be some soulless monster but I just…I don’t know. Things would just be easier if I could turn off my feelings sometimes. I’m sure that that’s how a lot of people feel. When there is an issue I’ll know for a fact that it was either my fault or someone else’s or it’s in the past or whatever, I’m basically saying that I know all the logistics of what’s happening and why. So for me when I cry it’s this physical reaction that I feel I have no control over. When I think about the issue or try to solve it I don’t want to cry but I just do. Then you know what happens? I get looked at like I’m crazy. I just wish that someone would understand that crying is just this physical reaction. I know everything but, I don’t know why I’m crying. I wish that people would understand that and then just leave it be. Just leave me to solve the issue or help me solve the issue-just don’t look at me like I’m crazy for crying.
It’s not even that nasty, sobbing, nose dripping crying either. But, I am sensitive. That’s something that I hope to fix in the future. I hate being affected the way that I am. I am sensitive to people’s words and actions and to the way that they look at me. I see others and they seem unaffected by any of those things or at least they have perfected the “poker face”. This is the method that seems most feasible. I’m getting better too. I do my best to keep a straight face and think about something else, ignore the sadness or rage brewing in my belly and think about something nice…like cake or F is For Family(great show on Netflix, NOT for kids). I’m not alone in feeling this way right? I don’t feel alone in this. Like I said this may just be a millenial problem or it could just be that some people are more sensitive than others.
Speaking of sensitivity is there any truth to a person possessing the ‘highly sensitive’ trait? Or is this some new generation mumbo jumbo? Because a lot of that seems to apply to me. I would love to blame something like that for me being the way that I am but it seems like an lame excuse…If it’s not an excuse, great. Then I am a highly sensitive person, if it’s nonsense then I’m just sensitive. Whatever.
Thanks for reading,