Running Away From God

running away

It’s sounds odd right? The notion of running from an all loving God. Why would you run from someone who loves you so much that he sacrificed his ONLY begotten son so that you may live? Someone who literally gave you life and literally gave you everything. It would make more sense that anyone with a properly functioning brain would stick close to such a person, right? Well unfortunately things aren’t so black and white.

I keep doing the same things over and over again. That is why I run from God. Us humans are imperfect creatures due to sin. Sin, sadly is unavoidable in this world. I know what the solution is to my problem. Jesus. Seriously. Jesus really is always the answer. After you sin you aren’t supposed to run from God, hiding yourself in shame. You are supposed to go confess your sins and pray for forgiveness. But I know that many of us would sometimes rather hide. It’s like once you pray and all that you’re afraid to live your life again. Because what if you sin again? Then the process starts all over again.

But that’s not the right way to think. The Bible speaks so much about God’s patience for a reason. There are people who don’t get saved until they’re well into their retirement. God is SO patient. But that patience isn’t for you test or take advantage of. That patience is for when you unknowingly sin or accidentally sin. I’ve gotten somewhat off topic here. Nevertheless when you sin you are to run to Him and then only focus on Him.

I have found in the past that this tactic really works. There was time when I stopped focusing on myself and instead focused on Him. I found myself less stressed, less worried because I knew that he had my back and knew what was best for me the entire time. But I stopped this practice once things got better. I became obsessed with idols and sinned to my heart’s content. I knowingly did this too. In the back of my mind my conscience and spirit kept telling me to go to God. But I was too ashamed and I just thought how could I possibly face him now? I don’t deserve to pray to him. Surely he doesn’t want hear from me.

But really it’s the opposite. God is glad to hear from any of his children because he loves us so.  Once you pray and make an effort you have to keep going back to him everyday and any chance you get; which anytime and day really. So there are no excuses. This is a journey that I’m going to do my best to complete. The goal is of course to be as close him as possible before THE DAY comes. If anyone reading this can relate then let us go on this journey together, with Jesus. And remember it is imperative that you persevere and hang on tightly to Jesus and not listen to whatever self scornful thoughts that the enemy puts in your head. This is advice that I will try to practice and not just preach.

God bless


The Worship of the Rich and Famous


Everyone wants to be rich. I want to be rich. Not everyone wants to be famous, however everyone wants their fifteen minutes. I would be lying if I said that I had never fantasized about having everyone’s eyes on me; even if just for a moment. But as a society we seem to covet these people or what they have. There is a strange, sick fascination with the wealthy and well-known.

In the past I too indulged in this obsession. I used to watch a lot of reality TV; Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Flavor of Love, Bad Girls Club, the lot. I know that I personally enjoyed watching these people toil and triumph in their everyday lives. As though they weren’t real. As though I were watching a movie. We get a kick out of seeing these people’s lives fall apart in front of our very eyes. I would love seeing girls fight each other over men and rumors and he said, she said nonsense. Why is this considered normal?

I’ve done some reading and I have found that a lot of this comes from dissatisfaction in our own lives. Say you find yourself lonely and single on Valentines day. You might watch The Bachelor where you can vicariously live through these people who are going on dates and having a fun and exciting time with someone that they love (someone that they claim they love). Maybe you are barely making ends meet and so you turn on a show in the The Real Housewives series to see someone with an abundance of wealth and imagine yourself in a similar position. This is what I have deduced so far. People watch these celebrities because they want fame and money.

But here’s what I think. We are giving the wrong people attention. Way back when, I’m talkin’ like 1700’s, 1800’s we used to give our attention and respect to scientists and doctors and people who wanted to make a difference in the world for the better. Now all eyes are on reality TV stars and actors and musicians and athletes. In fact they are some of the richest people on the planet. In what world does it make sense that a basketball player makes more than a doctor? Oh what a world we live in…

We live in this technological age where you have an abundance of knowledge at your fingertips. But people would rather learn more about the “Brangelina” divorce. Educational TV exists but people would rather know what the Kardashians are doing. We put these people on a pedestal and for what? Because they dress nice? Because they look good? Because they entertain us…I could go into the value of entertainment over knowledge but that’ll be another post.

Thank you for reading,

God bless


poorly drawn heart

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me…The Haddaway song lyrics resonate in my head when I think about it. Love that is. But seriously; what is love? I feel a little dumb asking this question but surely there are others out there who also think this way, right?

Love is complicated. Love is blind. Love is pain and joy. Love scares me. I say that maybe because I’m inexperienced. I’ve only ever been on one date in my twenty years of life and I’ve never had my first kiss. So when I watch movies and hear songs about love I just can’t understand where their coming from. When I am with my friends and someone has their significant other with them and their doing their couples stuff I just can’t help but be confused.

Here is what I don’t understand. How is it that these relationships are formed? I have difficulty making friends. I’m very introverted. But, there are plenty of introverted people in the world that get married and have relationships. So naturally I ask myself, what am I doing wrong? I could go on and on about what I think is wrong with me but that is for another post. I don’t understand how people get to that place where they are so comfortable with each other and then their vulnerable…it almost makes me uncomfortable. I just don’t understand how you can be that close to someone who you haven’t even known your whole life. I, like many are most comfortable in the company of my family. I’ve had friends whom I’ve considered close but I just can’t imagine being close enough to share their everything with another person.

Maybe I’m just being silly about this. Maybe all of this is just because I’m inexperienced. I was even uncomfortable on that one date that I went on. I only agreed to go because I thought that it would only be right to give the guy a chance. Maybe we would click instantly and fall in love or something. But nope. I wasn’t attracted to him at all and the food we got wasn’t that good.

And (yes I am perfectly aware that you aren’t supposed to start a sentence with the word and. But guess what? I’m gonna do what I want) another thing. In the past according to those close to me I don’t know what love is and or I certainly have a funny way of showing it. I reacted with an incredulous look on my face at the accusation. I demanded evidence. They said that I don’t think about them, that I don’t stand up for them. That I don’t do anything for them. I immediately thought back to the things that I had said to them. Kind words, thoughtful gifts, etc. But these things weren’t enough. At the time I didn’t understand where this anger was coming from. They didn’t feel loved. I didn’t know what I had to do to prove that I loved them. I stayed silent and took the verbal beating and I tried to think about what I could do to improve my situation. To this day I honestly still don’t know what I am to do about this. I feel lost and confused and like they will always feel unloved by me. Maybe the problem is that I don’t know how to show it. Through doing favors for them? By giving them something special on their birthday? But will these make a difference? Love is confusing and intricate and complex and I don’t know…Yeah. That’s it. I don’t know.

Thank you listening to me.

God bless