Depression and Suicide


This is gonna be a long one. I wasn’t always a K-pop (Korean pop) fan. An old friend introduced me to k-pop in middle school. The first k-pop song I had ever heard was SHINee’s Ring Ding Dong. I didn’t like it at first, it wasn’t particularly my cup of tea. I then went home and I found a few of their other songs and gave them a listen and I fell in love with this group. They were all seriously multi-talented people who, in my opinion, deserved more praise than they got. I’m now in my twenties and in college and I am still a huge fan of SHINee. Kim Jonghyun contributed so much to the group and to the k-pop industry as a whole. He was an incredible singer, a great dancer, a fantastic songwriter and as a soloist, I was so glad when his albums did well. It came as a complete shock to me when I found out what had happened to him yesterday.

I woke up yesterday, same as I always would and I got a cup of coffee and sat with my family while they were preparing for the morning and watching the news. My dog greeted me with his ears down and his tail wagging and in return, I gave him a nice rub behind the ears and cuddled him. Suddenly I hear my mom go, “Look! SHINee died!” I at first thought it was a joke, as my family thinks that it’s rather silly of me that I like k-pop so much. So naturally I go “hardy-har-har, no they didn’t.” “No seriously. Why would I joke about that?” I sigh and go get my phone from my room, disconnect it from its charger and check the news. I type “shinee” into the google search bar and wait. The headlines made my heart skip a beat. There were so many in all kinds of news sources so I knew that this wasn’t just some cruel rumor. I go back into the living room where my family waits for me and I tell them that my mother was right, someone in SHINee, my favorite group, was dead. My empathic sister goes “Oh no! I feel bad for her! She loves them!” I pretend that I’m ok in front of them. Then I go walk my dog and while we’re walking through the park I let it out. It was fairly early in the morning and since it’s cold there aren’t too many people out so hardly anyone saw my tears. I was genuinely hurt by Jonghyun’s death. He was someone that I admired greatly and whose songs I would listen to almost every day. I was hoping to attend a concert of his in the future.

I was surprised to hear that he was so depressed. He always seemed to be smiling and he constantly seemed happy. I’ve heard that it’s common for depressed people to not act depressed all the time. Something that I did notice however was that on his latest album and with the last singles he put out, the lyrics…they were rather sad. They spoke of hopelessness and loneliness. He was really crying out for help. I also read his suicide note and that spoke of loneliness as well. He spoke of how he had been depressed for a long time and how he had tried to go get help but, nothing seemed to do the trick. I feel bad for him, that he was so sad and felt so helpless that he saw that the only way out was suicide. I too have struggled with depression in the past. I know that it’s hard I know that giving up entirely seems like a good idea. But it’s not. This is the point where I stop being nice and start being real and honest. I got some really, really good advice concerning depression and emotions. If you don’t want to hear it (cus you might not like what you hear) then stop reading right here.

I really hate suicide. Suicide is the most SELFISH thing a person can do. I mean it. Kim Jonghyun made a selfish choice when he decided to commit suicide. In his suicide note, he said that the doctor he went to told him that he was the problem. He didn’t like that. He didn’t like being told the truth. He didn’t want to hear that problem was with him, and not with another person, not with his job or anything else. He asked the doctor why he should continue living. He said he believed that the doctor told him to go on for him, for other people. Jonghyun didn’t want to hear that either. He said he wanted it to be for himself. He said he wanted to live for himself. Selfish. In his note, he said he didn’t want anyone to feel bad about it and that he didn’t want anyone to be mad at him, that he just wanted people to say that he worked hard. He felt that he wasn’t good enough and that he would never be good enough. Not talented enough. Anyone that knows SHINee or Jonghyun knows that those things aren’t true. I understand when someone feels like they aren’t good enough, everyone feels that way sometimes. But, to take your own life for that…almost unforgivable.

Suicide is selfish because there are repercussions. Your suicide affects other people. Family, friends and in his case fans. He had millions of fans and people that cared for him. Him committing suicide reflects how he truly thought. That he was more important than them. That the pain that he would cause to all of those people doesn’t matter because he was in pain. Instead of thinking about what the doctor said, taking it in and considering it, he decided to reject it completely. Jonghyun wanted to hear what he wanted to hear and if it wasn’t that then the doctor was wrong.

Let’s talk about depression. I’ve had it. I know people that have had it and were suicidal but, didn’t go through with it because they knew better. When you are depressed I know that it is so hard to dig yourself out if that hole. I had to do it. I had to force myself out. You know how? You have to change your thinking. It is so easy to let the bad thoughts run rampant through your mind and do serious damage, but you can’t allow that to happen. I’ve gotten good it. When I feel those thoughts come in I take a breath and say no. I say that’s not true, get out of here with that bs, we are never going back. A lot of people don’t realize that they have the power. They do. They can make it stop. It’s your mind. You control it. For those people whining about a chemical imbalance, your making excuses for yourself so that you don’t have to try. So that there is no responsibility on your shoulders.

I don’t know what Jonghyun’s faith was. I prayed that prior to his death that he was saved. If he was not saved, then I think that that’s really terrible. That is the truth, as harsh as it is that is the undeniable truth. I hope that after I die that I will be able to meet him in paradise and if he isn’t there…If he were faithful or maybe more faithful then I truly don’t believe that this would have happened. When things get rough we are supposed to rely on God. We are supposed to lay all our burdens on him. Deuteronomy 31:8 “And the LORD,he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.” God is always with you. Jesus sacrificed his life for you and he is everlasting. He is what should sustain you. If you can find no reason to live, no reason to believe in yourself. Then don’t. Believe and trust in him instead. Believe and trust in other people.

Suicide is selfish and cowardly. Jonghyun instead, like the doctor said, wanted to run away from this rather than face it. So, while I am sad that he gave up and he did indeed work hard in his career I am also not afraid to call it like I see it. He was a selfish coward. A kind, talented and selfish coward. I’m still a little mad but, I mean it. He will be missed, this shouldn’t have happened.

Thank you for reading,

God bless


The Summer We Went Hungry and Why It Was A Good Thing

no-more-food-in-my-house blog pic

The title of this post is a little misleading but, that’s pretty much what happened. What I mean by misleading is that we ate every day but it was the cheap stuff and there wasn’t very much of it to go around in our house. I think the only one in our house who was eating more than one full meal a day was my dog. His name is Simba and he’s the cutest. I digress.

I believe it was the summer of 2015. That year had been really great. Other than the 5-day hospital stay that I had, but that’s a story for another time. That was the year that I had gone to Disney World. That was the year that I was also at a healthy weight for my height finally and I had made a trip to New York and I graduated high school. Big year right? A lot of exciting things. When summer came we had begun to struggle a lot financially. Not only were we hungry, for a little bit we also had the AC (air-conditioner) cutoff because it was a bill that was too high. We also had the cell phones cut off and we were communicating through email. It was a hard time. This was a time in which anyone would feel discouraged and upset. But, for some reason, I wasn’t.

The reason was God. Glory be to him. When I was sitting in my room on my laptop with the heat cutoff and feeling the bite of hunger (we were surviving on ramen packets and the dollar menu from various fast-food establishments) I thought about everything that I had to be thankful for. There were so many things. I listed all of them. When I was feeling down about our situation that is what I did and that was a great pick me up.When I was hungry I’d think ‘Ok, I may be hungry for now but, I have an amazing family who would do anything for me. I am safe, I have shelter from the outside, I have clothes, I have friends, I have a dog and I have the internet…etc.‘ I’d keep going until I couldn’t think of anything else. This was a time that truly taught me to be thankful and to rely on God when things are hard. Also, and this is amazing, we ate every day. God kept his word and we ate every day. Sure it was a dollar taco from Taco Bell but it was food. Sure, it was a packet of ramen, but we ate and we were sustained. Sure, we had a hard time communicating back and forth with each other, but we were able to, still.

This was a time that drew me a little closer to the Him. So yes it was hard but it is in these hard times that we can really learn to trust God and watch him work miracles in our lives.

Since that time we are doing much better and no one has gone hungry, thanks to God. It is so, so, so, important that we remember His promises and that He said that He would never forsake us. Even when it seems that we are all alone and that nothing and no one can get us out of a tough situation, keep your eyes on Him. Pray, believe in Him, place your burdens on Him and don’t worry about it. Jesus is the key to getting through this life, not unscathed, but saved and without stress.

This post was rather short but I was inspired by my church and I think that God put it in me to write this post today and share my story. I, of course, have more accounts of God doing amazing things in my life when things seemed dim but, those are for later posts.

Thank you for reading,

God bless.




Brain vs. Beauty

iceberg underwater

People truly do disappointment me sometimes. When the Titanic struck the iceberg all those years ago I’ll bet that it looked something like this. When I watched the movie I thought it unbelievable how an iceberg, not that big, could sink an unsinkable ship. I, at the time, had no idea that this is what most icebergs actually look like. Small and almost harmless looking at the surface but, big and menacing at the bottom. This post is almost exactly what you think it is. The top represents looks and the bottom represents personality.

Here is what I’m not saying. I’m not saying that girls shouldn’t wear makeup. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t try to look their best, especially in public. I’m not saying that dresses are wrong nor am I saying that pretty people are wrong for well, being pretty. I’m not even saying that looks don’t matter at all, they do. If you choose to leave the house looking like a hobo every day then you can’t get upset when you don’t get invited to an upscale event. People probably have it in their heads that you can’t afford to dress nicely for the event and that you haven’t a care in the world how you look. Humans are visual creatures after all. It only makes sense. How do you determine whether or not to eat a rotten apple? The apple doesn’t look appealing, it looks nasty.

Here is what I am saying. Looks are not everything. I’ve had conversations about this with a lot of people. Many people said that personality is totally what’s most important. That is also the politically correct answer. Others struggled to give me an answer. Because they probably thought that looks mattered more. All I could think was, how can you be so shallow? Is this really all you look for in a partner (other than wealth)? If your partner were to be in an accident and they were disfigured would you divorce them if they no longer looked the way they used to? Is this really who you are? I was horrified. Now I’ll admit in the past I used to think this way. That beauty could cover any other flaws that I had. That is something that I’m glad I grew out of.

roald dahl beauty

I love this quote by Roald Dahl. I have experienced this to be true in real life. I’ve had friends who were not considered conventionally beautiful but, as I got to know them for who they are, they became beautiful to me and probably maybe vice versa.

With all this being said I believe in the age old saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. For example a lot of people find Jennifer Aniston really pretty…I do not. The saying also suggests that not everyone is pretty, at least not universally. I know some of you reading this post are probably thinking wow she must be ugly, that’s why she’s saying all this. To make herself feel better. And regardless of what I say now this is probably a thought that will stick in your head as you read this. But, honestly, I don’t think that I’m ugly. My face anyway. I’ve been complimented on my looks plenty. But, gosh. Sometimes it just grinds my gears to know that some people out there truly only base things on looks. They don’t bother to even attempt to see past a persons’ face. We are more than our looks. I would never marry a beautiful man with an amazing body who was an alcoholic and is rude to those who work under him. I would never be friends with someone like that.

Anyway, I just wanted to get my thoughts out about things like this. It just really bothers me. You may or may not disagree with me *shrug*.

Thank you for reading,

God Bless

Black Lives Matter


I do not support black lives matter. I am a black woman in America saying this. I remember when it all started. The tragic shooting of Trayvon Martin was what kick-started this movement. Black Lives Matter began as a hashtag on Twitter after the trial. Then, after the shooting of Michael Brown, it became more of a movement. Then an organization. There were marches and peaceful protests. There were also riots, looting, and cops being killed in the name of Black Lives Matter. I also do not believe that black people in America today are oppressed.

First of all, why has the definition of racism changed? FYI, anyone. ANYONE. Doesn’t matter what race you are, can be racist. Why does someone need “power” to be racist? Why is there this misconception that only white people can be racist? People have changed the definition of racism to fit whatever narrative or agenda they are trying to push.

Here is the dictionary definition of racism – a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the racial groups determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to dominate others or that a particular racial group is inferior to others.

A Belief. It’s not about power. Racism is about beliefs. So yes, black people can be racist.

Now, there is the whole white cops shooting black men thing. Sure, there are definitely instances where a white cop shot a black man unjustly. There were instances of racism in some of these shootings most likely. However about half, probably more than half, were justified. In a lot of instances where these things happen the cop will pull over a man who maybe was speeding. The cop will be doing his job and then what happens is things are escalated by the man who was pulled over. That’s the sort of thing that happens and it doesn’t help that young black people are being told to fear the cops and that specifically white cops are out to get them. That’s simply not true. If that were true and the courts were just fine with it and there were no consequences then don’t you think that our numbers would dwindle significantly? I mean if it was truly acceptable for white cops to just shoot any black person that they see don’t you think our culture as a whole would change? Then on the news, you only hear one side of the story and this web of lies is spun by the media to make the cop look like he or she was wrong, especially if they’re white. You won’t know the full beginning to end. You wonder why some of these cops get off, that’s because the jury gets to see the situation as a whole and they know what happened from beginning to end.

How are black people in America oppressed? By law, we all have equal rights and opportunities. But there are obviously racial disparities, right? For example, the average white household is more wealthy than the average black household. There is a world of variables that need to be considered when talking about this one.

First of all, most black households today, are single-parent households. Just like our white counter-parts single parents with kids are going to have a hard time making ends meet with only one source of income. Most of these single-parent households are single mothers. Which means that they will most likely take more time off and not work in any of the STEM fields or in a job involving business with higher pay.

Plus, you have to look at black culture. I’m not saying that all black culture is bad. But, I am saying that there are aspects of it that promote ideas that are harmful to black youths. Like gang culture, why in the world is this something that is promoted in so many hip-hop and rap songs? Not all, but, a good majority. A lot of black culture does not give our youths the things that they need to be successful adults. A lot of them grow up in environments where all they see is gang stuff and violence and prostitution and drug use and so much of it is not condemned! It’s sad! So, the financial disparities that you see between black people and white people is not due to institutional racism, just like the feminists it has everything to do with choice. Look at our African counterparts, on average they do a lot better in the America, just in general. They immigrate here and they don’t get caught up in all the mess. So how can it be a skin color thing?

Now let’s talk about the riots. Not the uprisings, because that’s not what they were. They were black people looting, burning and destroying their own neighborhoods. Most of which were black-owned businesses. How are you making a positive difference by destroying your own stuff? That’s like a child throwing a tantrum in his room.

Black Lives Matter pick on white people and blame them for any misfortune that befalls them. It’s just really awful and sad to watch my brothers and sisters destroy themselves like this. If BLM truly cared about black lives then why aren’t they marching about all of the gang violence and shooting that goes on in majority black areas? Why haven’t they said anything about the fact that most of the crime in America is caused by black people even though we make up a fairly small percentage of the population? Why haven’t they done anything about the fact that we have the highest abortion rate in the country?

Another thing, why is BLM advocating for segregation? Black only spaces? Are you serious? Black Lives Matter is only trying to send us back to the 60’s. If MLK were alive today he would denounce Black Lives Matter in a heartbeat. They keep saying that they want equality when in reality all they do is try their best to separate black people and put us above white people. That is anything but, equality. It’s just like the feminists. They complain about inequality and don’t take into account all of the variables that led them to be in the situation that they are. Just like the feminists, they think of themselves as completely blameless in every situation.

Also, why do they keep bringing up slavery? Newsflash: YOU WERE NOT A SLAVE. The white people that you keep blaming for your unhappiness, THEY WERE NOT SLAVE OWNERS. If one of my ancestors was a serial killer then should I be jailed for his or her crimes? That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense does it? That is what Black Lives Matter sounds like when they talk about slavery.

Once again, I just want to say that I am a black woman. I hate discrimination and when there are instances of true racial discrimination you can bet that I will side with whoever was discriminated against whether they are black or white or Hispanic or whatever. I’m just tired of the lies and the hate. I know that a lot of people will probably disagree with me on a lot of things that I’ve said here on my blog. Feel free to comment or message me on my Twitter. Also, if you do I want you to know that calling me names with the caps lock on is not an argument. If you feel that you can school me better on this issue or on anything I’ve talked about on my blog absolutely feel free to comment or whatever.

Thank you for reading,

God Bless


My Weight

scale pic blog

Yup. Here it is. I’m doing this. I’m going to, first of all, tell you guys why I left the blog for awhile. Ok so, you guys already know and I’ve made this excuse a million times but, it’s still valid—I’m lazy. Sometimes I don’t feel like doing research and sitting down to write. But, I’ve finally gone back to college so there. There is a legitimate excuse. Now onto the real topic of this post. If you don’t want to read about me complaining about my weight then please travel to another post. Thanks.

I’m fat. Similar to, sadly, most women in these wonderful United States; I’m overweight. I’m not repulsive, I’m not even 170lbs or for those of you not in the United States, 77.1 kg or 12.1 stone. But I definitely weigh more than I should. This is not something that I’m proud of. This doesn’t make me happy, quite the opposite actually. My current weight is not the heaviest that I’ve ever been and I will never get there again. It was 170. At one point my little 5’2.5 frame was forced to carry that much weight. I lost a lot of that weight in an unhealthy way last year. I was also in a bad place mentally and with my faith. But, all is well now so, no worries friends.

Eat less, move more. This is the basic formula for successful weight loss. This is something that I have known for a long time, as unfortunately, I’ve been overweight for most of my life. I was very thin as a child, I would only eat fries and Fritos and I didn’t eat much. My mother was actually accused of starving me, my legs were chopsticks. All that. The summer before my senior year of high school I went on a strict low-carb diet and I was running and exercising every day. I lost a lot of weight and I got down to a healthy weight for my height. I remember that time. I was happier and I definitely felt better, physically and emotionally. For the first time ever I was not ashamed of my body in clothes. I didn’t have rolls and lumps sticking out of my clothes. Not there are tons of those now. But I do feel a little better in big baggy T-shirts and sweats instead of, you know, cute clothes.

I know, you’ve done it once and you can do it again, right? CORRECT. But, gosh dang it! Why does it have to be so hard?! Plus, I simply don’t have the patience. I’ll be dieting well and working out just fine…for a few days, but then I weigh myself and I haven’t lost very much weight. I know, it’s only been a few days. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It took you more than a few days to put on all that weight, it’ll take you more than a few days to get it all off. Then, and I know that this is bad. But, I do weigh myself every day, every morning to be exact. I know that you aren’t supposed to do that but, it’s so hard not to. That’s how I get my inspiration for the day! Typically if I lose weight then I’ll be more motivated to make sure that I eat clean and workout that day but, if I gain weight or if I don’t lose weight then I’ll feel discouraged and I’ll just give up. Awful, I know.

Y’all it’s just hard. Oh yeah, and like I mentioned at the beginning of the post I’m lazy. I’ll admit it. I am fat today because I am lazy and I eat too much and I eat too much if the wrong things. I’m not a fat activist. You know what? I’ll go into fat acceptance in another post. But yeah I am perfectly aware of the real reason that I am the way I am. I just wish that…it was a little easier. Said every fat person ever. I need to get this under control.

I want to feel better. I want to not be embarrassed wearing a dress and worrying about how gross my legs and/or arms look. I want to feel more confident in a pair of leggings. I know that there are bigger problems in the world. Especially with all these natural disasters that have accumulated these past few months. But, I’ll be honest I don’t let myself do what I want if I feel fat. I’m aware that there are lots of plus-size fashions out there but I don’t want to shop there and I don’t want to feel like I have to shop there. If you are overweight and you are fine with it then good for you but, that’s not me. I don’t want to support this body. I feel like if I shop at stores like Lane Bryant then that is me saying that the way my body is now is ok with me. And that is not the way that I think at all. I want to feel the way I did my senior year of high school—even better! In my senior year, I was thinner than I had been for a long time but I was skinny fat. I wasn’t toned very much at all really. That’s another thing.

Working out and getting good results and toning takes soooooo long! Too long. If you eat clean for two months then you will see that you are smaller. If you eat clean and workout, you may be a little smaller but, you won’t look that much different. I’ve seen before and after pics where it’s like before, then 1 year later, BAM! I don’t wanna wait one whole year to look the way I want to look. Diet is hard but, fine I can handle that, but working out, every day and you don’t see results for a long time…that. That is dedication that I don’t know if I can handle. Mad respect for those of you who turn their lives around and they stick with what they’re doing and don’t let a lack of results deter you from your journey. Because that is what I do. Every. Single. Time.

Thank you for reading,

God Bless



I love this guy. This guy right here is Nightwing aka Dick Grayson aka the OG Robin to Bruce Wayne’s Batman. This guy is my favorite D.C. hero and I think he’s actually my favorite hero of all time. I just love this character so much. I love how he grows and develops as a character. Nightwing is complex as well; just like Batman. Both of these characters are flawed people who, in their minds, are doing the right thing. And also he’s hot, so that’s a plus.

Oh my goodness. Where to even begin with this guy. Ok so he’s definitely had it hard in the past. He was a part of Haly’s circus where he and his parents performed regularly as acrobats. Until one day tragedy strikes, and his parents are killed. This is when he is taken under Bruce Wayne’s ‘batwing’. Get it? Cus he’s Batman?…………I think I’m funny.

Anyway, I like this character the best out of all the heroes for several reasons.

He is very “human”. Like I said before, he’s flawed. He has feelings, he cares for people. Hence, why he is in the profession that he’s in. You could say the same for Batman but Batman, for me anyway, is a character that you would have a harder time identifying with. With Nightwing I feel like you can identify more with him. When Batman struggles with something he’ll shut himself off and go take his anger out on some criminals or he’ll just go get drunk. Which is the case for some people (I mean the drunk thing, not the crime fighting thing). When Nightwing is struggling with something you can tell he’s angry because he tends to lash out at people. He’s not a physically unhealthy dude, he’s not really a drinker. But emotionally he struggles because he internalizes everything. In my opinion this more relatable, people get upset and cut themselves off from others or they lash out or both. I’ve done this before, I’m not proud to say, but Dick Grayson is a little more human because of this.

Just to add on to the human thing, he’s high up in the Justice League. He has no powers but he has made it very far. Nightwing is actually one of the most trusted members of the Justice League, a lot of people count on him. I think the fact that Dick Grayson, a human, was chosen to lead the Teen Titans speaks to the kind of person he is and his capabilities. He is a natural leader, albeit the pressure does get to him from time to time; he is incredibly smart and caring. These things make him a good leader. He is very logical but he would never put one of his team members in a position to die in order for the mission to be successful.

He is a lot like Batman. He acts a lot like Batman and he has a lot of the same beliefs as Bruce seeing as Bruce took him in and trained him. Dick hates being compared to Bruce. He says that he doesn’t want to be like him and that he isn’t like him. Nightwing can indeed go dark sometimes. He was in agreement with Bruce when it was revealed that Bruce had taken some extreme measures to combat the members of the Justice League just in case. Also similar to Bruce,Nightwing isn’t afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. There are times when he lashes out, sure. But even when he’s not upset if he has a critique for a person or if he’s just trying to get his point across he’ll be blunt. He will spare no one in that regard. But Nightwing isn’t always Mr. Serious like Bruce is. Nightwing knows how to have fun and joke around. This can be seen throughout almost of the comics that he’s in. I love him even more for this. He’s an excellent hero and a good person.

Here is link to a blog that does a better job than me explaining Nightwing as a character. I encourage you give it read.

Thank you for reading,

God bless


My Passion For Writing


I love writing, as you can probably tell from the title. Writing, in my opinion, is the best form of self-expression. I’ve tried things like painting and drawing (fun fact: as a child my dream was to be a cartoonist). I quit because I thought I wasn’t any good at it. Which I wasn’t, but I wish that I hadn’t quit. If I hadn’t quit then I might be really good at drawing today…but alas, I’m not. I couldn’t get into painting because there is no clear direction in which to go when painting. I really admire painters and people who can easily paint. By “easily paint” I don’t even necessarily mean talent I mean just people who can pick up a brush and paint what they want. I could never do that.

I started writing when I was a child. Back then I was still drawing and I still wanted to be a cartoonist but I also wanted to be an author. I believe it was the 4th grade that I wrote my first story. It was 60 pages exactly and I was really proud of it. Back then was also when I started reading a lot of manga and watching anime. So the story read like an anime if that makes sense. It was cringey. But still, I’m proud of my little 10 year old self. Also I didn’t type it. I wrote the whole thing by hand. It was a typical love story with a love triangle in the later chapters.

As I got older I wrote another story that spanned over several spiral notebooks. It was about a band (I was going through a heavy metal/punk phase). It was your typical sex, drugs and rock n roll story with romance. I started it in middle school and I tried to finish it in high school, but I had quite a hard time. To this day I have yet to finish it.

Something that I’ve noticed is that the kind of stories that I want to tell, change and evolve. That is something that I’ve seen all throughout my writing. When I was writing the story about the band I noticed that as the story went it on, it became less juvenile. As I grew and my writing improved, my story reflected that. It’s really cool in my opinion. Maybe other writers can relate. My growth as a person and as a writer is also the reason that I don’t finish most of my projects. I’ve started so, so, so many projects and honestly the only one that I’ve ever finished is the very first story that I’ve ever written. I’m currently working on something that I do plan on publishing. Man, writing is a process…a great one, but still a process nonetheless.

I love the way I feel when I write. It’s like-things just flow, you know? When I write I can feel the creativity flowing from my body onto the page and making words. Words that make characters and these characters produce feelings and they do actions and they make mistakes and they save people or they kill people or they go to sleep or they scream or cry! The possibilities when you write are endless. This is why I say that writing is my passion. I can do it forever. I used to stay up late and write chapter after chapter for as long as I could before I pass out. I feel alive when I write, it is so much fun. I cannot wait until I finish this book that I’m currently writing. Actually I take that back, because I always form attachments to characters and I just dread it when the book is coming to an end I have to say goodbye. It’s like saying goodbye to a friend, a friend that I created and formed and sculpted.

Anyway, I love writing.

Thank you for reading,

God bless

The Godly Woman


The Godly woman is something all women should strive for. The above quote states a fact that many people these days try to disprove: being virtuous is something to be proud of. Virtuous women these days are condemned. They are accused of being “holier-than-thou”, people call them prudes, they are told that they are no fun because they do not wish to do what the rest of the world wants them to do, partake in sin. The quote above stands true however especially this day and age where these kinds of women are rare.

The verse above is the perfect place to start if you are wanting to learn more about the Godly woman.  Proverbs 31:10 to 31:31 states all that makes a woman Godly.

31:11 – The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

This means that she is a woman who can be trusted. Her character speaks through itself through her actions.

31:12 – She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

She is good to him. She doesn’t speak poorly of him; she uplifts her husband.

31:13 – She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

She will have only the best materials for her family. Wool being good material and flax being good and nutritious. She will work hard for her family with such items.

31:14 – She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar

She is good with money. She will find the best materials for the best prices for her family even if the store or wherever she is getting it is far away.

31:15 – She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She awakens before the rest of her household and prepares everything for her family and her servants.

31:16 – She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

She is business minded. She knows what she’s doing and makes smart choices. She looks for quality.

31:17 – She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengthneth her arms.

She is making money of her own with said business and she is making investments.

31:18 – She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

She makes sure that her merchandise is of good quality and she will stay awake throughout the night to prepare things for her family and her business

31:19 – She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

She is hard-working and never ill-prepared

31:20 – She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

She is compassionate and generous

31:21 – She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She has spent awhile preparing for the winter and making sure that her family will be alright. They will no go cold or hungry. Back in the day, the rich wore the color scarlet.

31:22 – She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

She makes her own clothes and they are nice. Purple is what the rich and or wealthy wore and silk is good material. She always leaves the house looking good and presentable.

31:23 – Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

Her husband is somebody. He’s not some joe-schmo but people also see what he looks like and thanks to his wife he leaves the house looks fresh everyday.

31:24 – She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

She makes clothes of great quality and sells them

31:25 – Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

What is most notable about her is her character. Her strength and dignity.

31:26 – She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She is wise and does not gossip. She is also kind.

31:27 – She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Her family and home are always kept and she is not lazy.

31:28 – Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Her children admire her and are glad to have a mother like her and her husband praises her and is happy to have such a wife.

31:29 – Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Many women have done well and good but she has done the best because she’s a Godly woman.

31:30 – Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

Her faith is the most important thing about her, not her outward appearance.

31:31 – Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Her reputation is good and her work and character speak for themselves.

There is more about the Godly in in the Bible but this is a good place to start. I’m not saying that you have to be perfect or that I’m perfect but this is ideally what most women should be (aside from those that God has called to singleness, but those are far and few in between). I was confused for a long time on how I could be a Godly woman when I haven’t been married yet and have no children. God is preparing me, I’m not ready for a Godly husband yet and I still have a lot of work and growing to do. So for any other single ladies out there who are lost like I was: just know that he has a plan and that this is the time to work on yourself.

Thank you for reading,

God bless




June Monthly Recs.

monthly recs

I chose this picture because I feel like this little monthly post that I do is just me talking about what I enjoy. Which it is. I also didn’t know what picture to use

TV Shows:
Image result for scandal

I know I’m late on the Scandal train but, I’m really enjoying this show. It is full of interesting and dynamic characters who all have great chemistry with each other; especially President Grant and Olivia Pope. This is show for someone looking for something thrilling, romantic and fun.

Image result for bojack horseman

This show is so good. It is SO good. I know on the outset it looks dumb, right? That’s what I though too, at first. But that image of a dumb show about a talking horse wearing clothes is not at all what this show is. I’m glad that I watched, this show has influenced me in the way that I write, it has influenced my taste in shows and the way that I look at other people. Bojack Horseman is so funny and so deep and so sad. But, you’ll be happy you gave it chance. Trust me.

Image result for bates motel

I’ve seen the movie Psycho. I quite enjoyed it and when I heard that a TV series based on the film was being made I turned my nose up and didn’t give it a chance. Until I decided to humor it and watch one episode. I loved it immediately. This show is entrancing and thrilling to watch. It’ll grab onto you immediately and you won’t want it to let go. That sounded kinda creepy but, rather fitting for the show don’t you think?


Image result for train to busan

This is a Korean film about zombies. Who cares right? Zombies have been done to death. That’s what I thought until I heard about all the success that this movie has had. So much so that an American version is said to be in the works. So I watched it. I love this movie so much. It definitely has a place in my heart, right next to The Breakfast Club. This movie does zombies right. This movie will keep you on the edge of your seat. It will make you laugh and cry and sweat. It’s so good.

Image result for 9 movie

This eight year old animated film is fun and endearing and a little creepy. The animation in this movie is on point as well. I love how they gave each figure their own look.  I love 9 because I’ve never seen an apocalypse done this way. With no people. I know it may not seem that interesting but these little characters make their way into your heart and the story that revolves around them will make you think.

Image result for the loft

I’ll be honest I was a little wary of this movie before choosing to watch it. I didn’t look like the mystery would be very enthralling at all. However I was pleasantly surprised that it was just that. This movie has all kinds of twists and turns in it and not everything is as it seems. Which a good mystery should do.

Image result for mermaids movie

I was up late one night and decided to turn to this. This movie is so interesting. This film starring Cher and Winona Ryder will have you feeling nostalgic and happy. This is a movie to watch on a dreary day with not much to do. I know that the movie poster may make it look kinda kooky and like a bad comedy, but it’s not. There are definitely comedic moments but this movie will have you feeling some type of way by the end of it.


Image result for the garden of words

I have so much to say about this movie. First of all the animation is stunning, it is beautiful. The storyline is deep and the ending is realistic. I love the focus around the weather, they met in the rain and the rain became a theme. The rain meant that they would see each other again. I would recommend this movie to someone who says that they don’t like anime. I would recommend this film to everyone.

Image result for no game no life

I gotta talk about the animation first (again). This anime looks so different. It is different. It is distinct to this anime. This anime has such an interesting color scheme and it shows way more as soon as they get to the realm of Disboard. I love all of the thought that went into the games that they play; the way that they are played. I love their relationship as brother and sister and I love seeing how close they are to each other. Plus, who doesn’t love an anime genius or two?

Image result for rurouni kenshin

If you’ve been in the anime community for an extended period of time then you have probably seen this guy once or twice. I decided to watch this to see what all the hype was about. It definitely lived up to its reputation. I love this character so much, I love how dynamic and real this dude is. The supporting characters of course have their own interesting stories to tell and they help to build this character up even more. But listen if you watch this, stop after the Shishio arc and go read the manga picking up from where you left off in the anime. After the Shishio arc nothing is canon in the anime.


The Hand That Feed You-A. J. Rich

This book is a page turner from front to back. You meet some questionable characters in this book. Of course like all good mysteries there is quite the twist at the end. The way things went down is the shocking and of course the who-dun-it is answered in a way that would terrify anyone.

The Life We Bury-Allen Eskens

This book is rather dark. It deals with a lot of interesting topics. But the main character is really someone to root for. He’s relatable and I love it. I can honestly say that the reveal was shocking, at least for me. Once again, a page turner.


Twice- Three Times A Day

This song has an unexpected calypso (islandy) feel to it. It’s catchy and different from their usual.

F(x)- Milk

This song has Indian roots to it and I absolutely love it. It goes in different directions all throughout the song and they do this lovely harmonized verse during the middle of the song. The bridge is everything and they should be bigger.

F(x)- Shadow

This song is a little creepy but it’s different. The song is about a shadow that falls in love with its caster. This is catchy and will put a smile on your face.

Wings- Hair Short

Wings is duo of two very talented girls and I don’t understand why they aren’t bigger. I fell in love with song with the first listen. The video is the classic creepy twins and they fall in love this guy and then they kill him. It’s great, I swear. But seriously this song was a bop. I’m still waiting on their comeback. Give it a listen.


I really miss MBLAQ. I don’t know if they’re still together or not but, if you’ve been in the Kpop community for awhile you’ve probably heard of them. This song got me hip to this group. It is dramatic and fun to listen to. This is the song that you would sing along to dramatically in front of a mirror at home.

Thank you for reading,

God bless

Why I Like Anime


Before I begin this post I just want to put it out there that I am not a weeaboo. Ok? Ok.

So as you can tell by the title I like anime. I like it a lot. My first anime was either Sailor Moon or Dragonball Z, I’m unsure which came first. Back then I wasn’t aware that what I was witnessing was Japanese animation. I did, however, notice the difference in the style of the animation. American animation doesn’t look like this. I noticed that American animation tends to lean more towards the cartoony/goofy side whereas Japanese animation will often try to mimic the real world a little more. I really enjoy this detail-oriented style of animation.

I come for the animation and I stay for the stories. Anime tell stories that are unlike most American cartoons or movies. Think about it though. Is there anything on TV like Naruto or Dragonball Z or even Death Note? If there are please let me know because I haven’t seen anything like these anime. Anime is different; not only for the stories that they tell, but also the way that they tell them. During funny moments the animation style will suddenly change. It could go from sharp lines and considerable details to bold, rounded outlines with the facial features suddenly becoming nothing more than a few black lines. Or vice versa. This isn’t something that you see in American animation. I was watching season 3 of The World God Only Knows (great show, 9/10, would recommend) and one of the characters calls the main character a cockroach. The main character, feeling defeated then proceeds to actually become a roach and is crawling through the halls of the school. All of this while the main character is having this inner monologue and then he is squished by a teacher. This is another example of something that I’m not entirely sure that American animation could successfully get away with.

Another thing. The theme songs. The ending songs. Theme songs are a huge part of anime. Everyone knows the Pokemon theme song, everyone knows the Attack On Titan theme songs, they are an integral part of the anime itself. Prior to the start of the actual anime the theme song will set the tone and give you a taste of what your in for. The second theme song to Attack On Titan at first makes you feel patriotic; you know, they’re in this army and they are uniting against these monsters (the titans). Then it takes a dramatic turn because the anime is epic and it has a lot of serious moments. You get a lot of information from the theme song; they’re also just a lot of fun. I mention the endings because they often will portray a different side of the anime. The intro to Inuyasha is epic but the endings are often very calm. The ending (Every Heart) shows you that the characters have hard moments and internal struggles but then in the ending the sun comes out and they have hope and they have each other. They too are also a lot of fun.

I stopped watching Anime for awhile while I was in high school and also during college. The second semester of my freshman year of college was when I picked it back up and started watching an anime called Fairytail. Anime is just so much fun to watch, they have good lessons in them, they teach you stuff, they make you laugh and cry and you can learn a little about another culture. You’ll be introduced to new ideas; things you’ve never even thought of.

Now I will say that there are some people who take their love of anime a little too far…the weeaboos. These people are obsessed with anime and manga and they try be Japanese even though they aren’t. It’s a total cringe fest and it’s not something that should be encouraged. The reason I say that I’m not a weeaboo is because I’m not obsessed with anime and manga or Japan. I do enjoy it, but I don’t live and breath for it.

So yeah I guess that’s all I have to say about that. I would encourage anyone who hasn’t seen any anime before or maybe you’ve only heard of it or maybe you had a bad experience with a weeaboo to try it again. There are funny anime, there are serious anime, there are sad anime, all sorts of genres to choose from. This month I will be starting a new thing on this blog called: Monthly Reccs. On this list of recommendations I will be recommending all kinds anime as well as some other things. So you can look forward to that if you are interested in anime but you don’t know what to start with.

Thank you for reading,

God bless